Some Phrases to Handle Manipulation
Introduction
Manipulators can be exhausting people to deal with as they
“…Twist your words, blur the boundaries, and make you question your reality…”
Lachlan Brown, 2025
Some examples of manipulators include controlling bosses, toxic partners, people who play the victim, etc.
Need to
- handle manipulators without emotions, eg no yelling, blaming, getting defensive, etc
- maintain composure, avoid unnecessary conflict and uphold your self-respect.
- maintain boundaries by designating ‘no-go’ areas
NB Realise that most manipulators are emotionally immature.
If you don't handle them properly, nothing gets resolved.
Phrases
1. “I’m not comfortable with that.” (this simple but firm boundary-setting statement makes it clear that the manipulator’s request or behaviour crosses a line; sometimes this is called ‘boundary setting with assertiveness’, ie
“…You're not inviting a debate or justifying your feelings - you're making clear that your comfort matters...”
Lachlan Brown, 2025
It avoids over-explaining or justifying and puts the onus back on them to reconsider.)
2. “Let me get back to you on that.” (manipulators often pressure people into snap decisions; this phrase gives you space to think clearly, gather facts, and avoid being pushed into something you’ll regret later; this has been called ‘cognitive distancing’, ie
“…By stepping back, you give yourself room to reflect instead of getting swept up pressured for emotion…”
Lachlan Brown, 2025)
3. “That’s not how I remember it.” (gaslighters and manipulators may try to rewrite history so that you doubt your own memory or perspective; this phrase asserts your version of reality without direct confrontation or escalation, keeping the dialogue well grounded; it signals self-trust that undermines a manipulator’s ability to control the narrative.)
4. “Can you clarify what you mean by that?” (manipulators use vague language or insinuations; this request for clarification puts them on the spot, forcing transparency; it also shows you’re paying attention and not easily misled.)
5. “I see what you're trying to do.” (this directly signals that you recognize the manipulative tactic being used; often, simply acknowledging it aloud causes manipulators to retreat or backtrack.)
6. “No.” (without explanation; mentally strong people know that “no” is a complete sentence; manipulators rely on guilt or obligation; saying “no” firmly, without defending or explaining, maintains your power and sets a clear boundary.)
7. “That’s your opinion.” (when manipulators try to provoke or criticize, this phrase detaches you emotionally; it invalidates their attempt to control your feelings by making it clear their view doesn’t define your reality.)
8. “Let’s agree to disagree.” (this signals the end of a debate or manipulative cycle; it shows you’re not interested in being dragged into circular arguments designed to wear you down.
“…This phrase works because it protects your energy and signals that your opinion isn’t up for negotiation…”
Lachlan Brown, 2025
Also, this recognizing that consensus is not always possible and can defuse tension; it allows both parties to maintain their viewpoints without further conflict.)
9. “I am not okay with how you are speaking to me” (sometimes called ‘behavioural labelling’
“...Manipulators often used tone, sarcasm or passive aggression to undermine others without being openly cruel…”
Lachlan Brown, 2025
It makes hidden manipulation visible; once visible, manipulation can lose its power.)
10. “That sounds like you are a problem” (manipulators will try to frame their problems in ways that make you feel guilty, responsible or obligated to fix things; this is sometimes called ‘emotional boundaries’, ie
“… I'm not going to be manipulated into feeling responsible for something that is not mine…” Lachlan Brown, 2025)
11. “I've made my decision or point and don't need to repeat myself” (need to be assertive about your boundaries; manipulators don't like finality; it closes the loop.
“…Indecision invites manipulation. Clarity on the other hand creates protection…’
Lachlan Brown, 2025)
12. “I’m done talking about this” (silence can be powerful as it demonstrates disengagement; this is known as ‘grey rocking’ where you become emotionally uninterested to a manipulator, ie calm detachment.)
13. “I’m not up for this argument, so I’m stepping away” (this allows you to disengage from unproductive or escalating conflicts; by choosing to step away, you assert control over the situation and protect your emotional well-being.)
14. “Let’s revisit this when we’re both calmer” or “this conversation isn't productive; let's revisit it when we both can be calm” (a polite way of saying the meltdown needs to end; suggesting a pause in the conversation acknowledges the current emotional intensity; hope of promoting a more constructive dialogue later; it demonstrates maturity and a willingness to resolve issues thoughtfully.)
15. “That’s not something I’m willing to discuss right now” (setting boundaries on topics you are uncomfortable discussing reinforces your autonomy; it prevents you being drawn into conversations that may be manipulative or draining.)
16. “I see your point, but I have a different perspective” (this acknowledges the other person's view while asserting your own; it fosters respectful discourse without conceding to immature or manipulative )
17. “I’m focusing on solutions, not blame” (redirecting the conversation towards problem-solving discourages blame games and promotes accountability; it helps steer interactions towards constructive outcomes.)
18. “I respect your opinion, but I need to make my own decisions” (affirming your right to make choices; underscores your independence; it signals that while you value input, you won't be swayed by undue pressure.)
19. “I’m ending this conversation now” or “I respect myself enough to walk away from disrespect” (when interactions become toxic or unproductive, asserting your decision to end; this protects your mental health while it conveys that you will not tolerate disrespectful behaviour; emphasises self-respect.)
20. “If this is how you are going to act, I am not continuing this conversation” (this is about drawing boundaries
“…You give the other person of choice: either treat you with respect, or the interaction is over…… It also forces them to reflect on their behaviour, if only for a moment…”
Farley Ledgerwood, 2025a)
21. “We can talk when you are ready to listen as well speak” (most manipulators love to talk and hate to listen; stresses the conversation is a dialogue, not a monologue.)
22. “I'm not responsible for your reactions or emotion” (you place the ownership back where it belongs, ie you are not willing to be their scapegoat
“…Someone else's behaviour is their responsibility - mine is to keep my boundaries firm…”
Farley Ledgerwood, 2025a)
23. “I'd appreciate it if you spoke to me with the same respect I give you” (this is a direct call for basic decency; it is called ‘reciprocal respect’)
NB Some of the phrases have a similar core position:
- “That’s your opinion”
- “Let’s agree to disagree”
- “I see your point, but I have a different perspective”
How to apply the above phrases:
- practise these statements ahead of time so you're ready when the situation arises
- remind yourself it's okay to step away; you are not obligated to endure disrespect
- focus on staying calm, no matter how heated the other person gets
- the more you practise these phrases, the more natural they become.