Learning (Part Of Changing Behaviour)

Knowing why you act in a certain way does not necessarily help in changing your bad behaviour. The more you have performed a behaviour, the stronger the habit to continue it as the connections become stronger in the brain supporting the behaviour.Thus it is harder to change, despite realising the need to change.
Sometimes bad behaviour to others

"...starts with unfilled expectations (' what were you thinking?') and ends in anger, frustration, sadness, and the loss of confidence in both sides..."
Peter Bregman, 2015

The best way to handle things this is to

- diplomatically identify the problem, eg poor presentation, poor performance, unnecessarily offending people, etc

- tactfully state what needs to happen, eg be more professional, stick to the topic, be more tactful, etc

- offer to help, ie become part of the solution, etc

NB This remedial process involves not showing any frustration, disappointment, anger, etc; rather than just offering clarity and support. It involves being authentic.
This approach is

"... Much smarter, more likely to compassionately teach the people around us, and a better approach to getting them to reverse their ineffective behaviours..."
Peter Bregman, 2015

However, factors in a new behaviour or acting differently can feel inauthentic, ie it doesn't feel natural; it feels awkward, fake-like, pretending, overly solicitous, etc. It's like learning a new way to do something, eg dancing, painting, cooking, language, etc

"...If we want to learn, we need to tolerate the feeling of inauthenticity long enough to integrate new ways of being. Long enough for the new way of being to feel natural. Which, when the new way of being works, happens sooner than you would think..."
Peter Bregman, 2015

In other words, the more you perform the new behaviour, the stronger the new connections in the brain become to support the new behaviour.

 

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