Emotions And Feelings (Cont.6)

3. Things don't go as planned (can cause boredom, expectations, disappointment, regret, discouragement, resignation, frustration)

    a) boredom is an uncomfortable state of wanting to engage in satisfying activities, but being unable to do so; involves the lack of stimulation, with time seeming to pass very slowly; when working on a boring task, seems to lack challenge and meaning; can result in you feeling irritable, frustrated, restless, lethargic, etc; one way to handle this state to get more control and have more autonomy over these boring tasks; boredom does not necessarily have to be a negative impact, ie

"...simple, boring tasks or mundane activities can allow our minds to wander, daydream, and create. The lack of stimulation......gives our imagination room to play and grow..."
Brené Brown, 2021

"...boredom is your imagination calling to you..."
Sherry Turkle as quoted by
BrenéBrené Brown, 2021

   b) expectations is about continually consciously and unconsciously setting expectations for yourselves and others; however, the outcomes from your expectations can be totally beyond your control, such as how other people think, what they feel, how are they going to react, etc; there are 2 types of expectations

        i) stealth, ie unexamined, unconscious and unexpressed expectations; it is the more dangerous of the 2; you need a reality check on these expectations, ie ask yourselves many questions, such as

"...what expectations do you have going into this? What you want to happen? Why?......Are you setting goals and expectations that are completely outside of your control?..."
Brené Brown, 2021

        ii) examined and expressed, ie despite expectations appearing realistic, clearly communicated and understood, things can still go wrong; sharing expectations requires courage as you making yourself vulnerable, especially if expectations then not met

Need to communicate your expectations; even though it may require bravery and vulnerability, it builds a meaningful connection; need reality checks on expectations that explore intentions behind your expectations, while maintaining meaningful connections with others.

   c) disappointment is related to unmet expectations; the greater the expectation, the more significant the disappointment if it is not met; linked with regret; generally His appointment eventuate from a belief that the outcomes are outside your control; one of the most frequently experienced emotions and can be felt with high intensity; it is a negative experience that can be tinged with astonishment and surprise; disappointment Can be minimised by lowering your expectations - but still need to be optimistic; there are 2 types of disappointment:

        i) living disappointed (shown by numbing, foreboding joy, being cynical or critical, never really fully engaging, always assuming the worst scenario, etc; developing a permanently negative attitude)

        ii) feeling disappointment (this is a short-term reaction to minor challenges that are part of life; learn from them and move on)

NB "...Disappointed: it didn't work out how I wanted, and I believe the outcome was outside of my control..."
Brené Brown, 2021

    d) regret is similar to disappointment; it arises when an outcome was not what you wanted, counted on, or hoped would happen; however, it is different from disappointment because you feel the outcomes were caused by your own decisions and actions; regret can be for both actions taken and/or not taken, with the latter seen as missed opportunities. Most areas of regret falls into 1 of 6 categories, ie education, career, romance, parenting, self-improvement and leisure

"...regret is one of our most powerful emotional reminders that reflection, change and growth are necessary......regret emerged as a function of empathy. And, when used constructively, it is a call to courage and a path to wisdom..."
Brené Brown, 2021

The comment 'no regrets' suggests living without reflection, ie nothing to learn, no amends to make and no opportunity to improve; regret can be accompanied by an element of self-blame, accountability and even guilt.

Most feelings of regret is focused around your failures of courage, eg to be kinder, to show and express your feelings, to set boundaries, to be authentic, willing to be challenged, to live according to your values, in your relationships, etc

NB "...Sometimes the most uncomfortable learning is the most powerful..."
Brené Brown, 2021

NB"...Regretful: it didn't work out how I wanted, and the outcome was caused by my decisions, actions, failure to act..."
Brené Brown, 2021

    e) discouragement is about effort rather than outcome; it is about losing the motivation and confidence to continue

  "...Discouraged: I'm losing my confidence and enthusiasm about any future effort - I'm losing the motivation and confidence to persist..."
Brené Brown, 2021

    f) resignation is about effort rather than outcome; it is about the loss of motivation to keep trying, eg

"...Resigned: I've lost my confidence and enthusiasm about any future efforts - I've loss of motivation and confidence to persist..."
Brené Brown, 2021

    g) frustration occurs when a desired outcome is blocked and you don't feel you can fix the situation; can overlap with anger

"...Frustrated: something that feels out of my control is preventing me from achieving my desired outcome..."
Brené Brown, 2021

 

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