Emotions And Feelings (Cont.5)

2. Comparing (can cause comparison, admiration, reverence, envy, jealousy, resentment, schadenfreude, freudenfreude)

   a) comparison is not an emotion but drives the feelings that impact your relationships and self-worth; comparisons can be made with the past, present and future; comparisons can be a creativity killer as it drives both conformity and competition which are not mutually exclusive, ie it is not 'fit in and stand out'; rather, it is 'fit in, but win', ie be like everyone and be better; comparing/competing, ie you share your experiences in order to have the opportunity to highlight that you are better.
There are 2 types of social comparison, ie

    i)'upward' (comparing yourselves with someone who is perceived to be, or is performing, better than you are)

    ii) 'downward' (comparing yourself to somebody who is perceived to be, or is performing, worse than you are).

Both types of comparisons can have positive and negative impacts, ie
"...Upward comparisons can inspire or demoralise you, whereas downward comparisons can make us feel superior or depress us..."
Brené Brown, 2021

Social comparisons are more associated with negative emotions of fear, anger, shame and sadness rather than with positive emotions of love and joy.

NB "...comparing self with others, either intentionally or unintentionally, is a persuasive social phenomena, and how we perceive our standing or ranking with these comparisons can affect our self-concept, our level of aspiration and that feeling of well-being..."
Jerry Suls, Rene Martin & Ladd Wheeler as quoted by Brené Brown, 2021

It appears that comparison is your default position. However, you can choose how we react to it and/or let it  impact you.

    b) admiration leads to you wanting to improve yourselves in order to be like someone else you respect; fosters self-betterment

    c) reverence is like adoration, worship, veneration; it is a deeper form of admiration or respect; usually a meaningful connection with something greater than yourselves, eg religion

"...Reverence is a cardinal virtue characterised by the capacity of feeling deep respect, love, and humility for something sacred or transcendent...'
Brené Brown, 2021

The opposite of reverence is irreverence, ie not showing the expected respect for an official, someone of importance, religion, authority, status quo, etc

    d) envy, ie occurs when you want something that another person has; can be linked with hostility and desire for denigration; there are 3 categories

        i) attraction like physical attractiveness, romantic attraction, social popularity, etc

        ii) competence like intelligence, knowledge, expertise, etc

        iii) wealth like financial status, lifestyle, etc

  NB In the Christian religion, envy is regarded as one of the 7 deadly sins and mentioned in 2 of the 10 commandments.

    e) jealousy is the fear of losing a relationship or a valued part of a relationship that you already have; it can be a cognitive evaluation in response to feeling anger, sadness, and/or fear; it is a response to how you feel; usually involves 3 people, ie 2 people in your relationship and a rival; primarily involves threats to relationship rewards like attention, affection, sharing of resources; generally more socially acceptable than envy; however, high levels of jealousy are directly related to drug abuse and interpersonal violence; in smaller doses, jealousy can be healthy; can be used to sound almost complimentary or admiring

    f) resentment is a feeling of frustration, judgement, anger, 'better than', and/or hidden envy related to perceived unfairness or injustice; it is normally recognised by a familiar thought pattern, ie what mean and critical thing am I rehearsing to say or do to this person; need to set boundaries, asked what is needed, sometimes expectations is outside your control,

"...like what other people think, when they feel, or how they are going to react..."
Brené Brown, 2021

     g) schadenfreude (or epicaricacy) is pleasure or joy derived from somebody else's suffering or misfortune (including humiliation and pain), like during the Covid-19 pandemic, some vaccinated people had this attitude towards unvaccinated people getting sick; it is a trait, ie

"...some people have a tendency to take greater pleasure in others' misfortune across a range of scenarios..."
Brené Brown, 2021

It can involve cruelty and insecurity that can violate your values and lead to feelings of guilt and shame; within the brain there is decreased activity in the area that processes empathy and increased activity in reward centres, ie makes you feel good and encourages you to repeat similar behaviours in the future; this emotion can be a result of feeling inferior, fear, powerlessness, a sense of deservedness, etc

    h) freudenfreude, ie opposite of schadenfreude; it is the enjoyment of another's success; linked with empathy; lack of it can sour relationships and can even produce depression; ways to leave increase this emotion

"...1. Shoy: intensely sharing the joy of someone relating a success story by showing interest and asking follow-up questions
     2. Bragitude: intentionally tying words of gratitude toward the listener following discussion of personal successes..."

Brené Brown, 2021

Good ways to show interest is by asking questions and expressing gratitude.

 

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